nurse miller's confessions

Blogging here from Mommy Central.... Aka the Master Bath Aka the Mom Cave

(Funny story - Tyler wants to build a Man Cave using our golf cart garage so he could "Get away from all the noise and have some time to be himself Aka smoke cigars aka watch football aka plan his next big beer tasting venue ....which lead me to ask..... "What  about me? Where do I get?" to which he aptly responded, "Well, you ALREADY have the bathroom!" What more could I possibly want, I ask you?

Seriously, folks. I cannot make this stuff up.

Back on topic. It's been quite an interesting few weeks - elevated by Christmas celebrations - but now that I'm in the new year, it's hard for me to believe my kiddos are still dragging 2012's illnesses along for the ride. At least one has been sick for the past four weeks and I'm having trouble seeing the light. Lockdown is starting to look bleak and I'm grasping at straws of sanity that only this kind of confinement can brew. I don't know about you, but when my kids are sick, they aren't the lounging, complacent, languid, sweating, sleeping masses shown on Tylenol commercials. They scream. About.eh-vhe-ry.thing. Kinda makes you wonder if after several weeks of the same screaming noise if you'll no longer hear it. Kinda like those high pitch things you get in your ears once in a while that you only hear when you try. Then again, it's even more impossible not to hear when it's your husband, in the bed beside you. Maybe earplugs would have been a better investment than those new pajamas I just had to have.... not like I'm getting much sleep.

Soothing sick kiddos will drive you to do some crazy things. Not the least of which is driving to Target trying to gather your Sunday school materials while blasting PSY because it's the only thing that will keep the little one from screaming. Is fun the first, maybe, three times. After that, you begin to wonder if the screaming is preferable. Silence the radio. Quickly turn it back on in a fevered fury. Nope. Definitely better than screaming. Moving on.

It'll drive you to watch Spider Man cartoons at midnight while you wait for the good cold medicine to kick in... The kid's, not yours. Haha.

It'll drive you to feed your kid nothing but graham crackers and cool whip if that's the only thing he will eat for days.

It'll drive you to subscribe to all sorts of voo-doo magic....anything's worth a shot! Body-wide balms rubbed. Alternate vapors dumped into vaporizers. Sacrifice a chicken? Go ahead! Pinning on that Egyptian amulet? Did it last week. If I got a day's worth of peace, I wouldn't even change the underwear I was wearing out of superstition and on the off chance that it might work again. Too bad I can't grow a play-off beard.

It'll drive you to allow them to take mid morning, after lunch, mid afternoon, evening and bedtime baths because the novelty of the Christmas bath toys still hasn't worn off. And because it is the only opportunity you have to practice the ukulele. I'll take it!

Speaking of the uke.... It'll drive you to repeatedly play Ring of Fire because that's the only song request your three-year old continuously hollers out. Johnny Cash, I have a bone to pick with you.... On the other hand, I've got a real shot at first place in the Panorama Village Tribute to the Highwaymen Talent Show. Everyone gets 15 minutes of fame, right? Guess I'll have to play it at least five times ;)

It'll drive you to such lengths of sleep deprivation that you will barely catch your thirteen-month old using the dwarf sized step stool (that you typically sit on while Cash-ing) to climb into the tub while you're filling it. Fully clothed. Gee. When you'd learn to do that? Guess he's on to something. At least those clothes got clean along with the Baby. Win! Less laundry for me....Maybe I ought to jump in too.

Whatever you're willing to do for a health-challenged kiddo to acquire some semblance of normalcy ... Or at to least minimize the yowling..... Above all, it'll bring you to your knees in that deliriously tired, nonsensical  fervent prayer you've resolved to use more often. Thank God He can discern "Help!" in all that fevered jibber-jabber!