Eureka!... I don't got it.....

WARNING! This one gets a bit personal. I debated for days on whether or not this was inappropriate to blog about but it's just too funny (and someone dishonest) to leave out. So I'm sure this warning is just gonna make you want to read this more, BUT at least I can say, you were warned! And if you haven't ever found yourself in this situation, you're either a liar, haven't lived long enough, or have magic powers on par with unicorns. And if that's the case, please save some of your magic for me!

Sometimes something that seems so brilliant turns out to not be so brilliant.... surely I'm not alone in this one.

Earlier this week, we went to beach with some good friends while DH was at work. We left the beach a little early because the baby was cranky. I was feeling pretty overconfident because I had managed to jerry-rig a spiketed bucket with some bottled water to shower the kids off and put them in fresh clothes. Kids clean, dry and almost sand free were watching a movie in the van, strapped in with a snack and some juice. All ready to go. And as I'm setting up my own "shower," feeling pretty smug with my smoothness as a single parent for the day, I hear the call of nature. Loud and urgent. Oh boy. Guess all that trying to hydrate was catching up with me. (Shakes fist at Murphy)

Now, the Jungle girl in me says to squat and get it over with, but the Lady in me is concerned about someone suddenly coming up the path to the secluded parking lot at an untimely moment. As I'm considering my options, my urgency is growing more .... well... urgent. And the kids are happily, blissfully unaware of nothing but their movie. Unstrapping them and running for the cover of the ocean did cross my mind, but the thought of undoing all of my hard work... not so appealing. At this point, the option of gunning it to a gas station had become an impossibility due to the urgency of the matter.... 

Eureka! 

I whip out a diaper, once again smug with my veteran mom-ness shining through to a plausible solution. Discretely,  I insert the diaper into my bathing suit, standing, seemingly, causally outside the van driver side.

And the dams open.

And I'm sure you all know what's coming next because my AHA moment quickly turned into an UH-Oh moment as I realized the diapers were meant for 20lb baby bladders and not... well... I'm not gonna tell you how much I weigh, but It's not 20lbs. Unfortunately, after 5 seconds, I had reached the point of no return and diaper had reached the point of no absorption..... 

ugh.

I felt about 3 feet tall.

Tossing the diaper aside, I thank GOD I had saved my shower for last. Unfortunately  I used so much water on my legs, that I had to ride home salty and sandy from the waist up. But at least .... I had an empty bladder. And clean legs.

And that walk of shame with a full diaper to the trashcan across the lot... very humbling. 

But at least the kids were still undisturbed in their snacking nirvana as I slinked behind the wheel and red-faced drove home. 

Now, don't you think less of me? I'll bet you've NEVER had to pee so bad you made a rash and stupid decision. But if you had, I'll bet you weren't stupid enough to blog about it. But there you go. That's my life. And you're invited in. Pee-pee legs and all. 

Enjoy.